Saturday, April 25, 2009

Government Witticisms

Here are some great quotes about the government provided by Mr. Completely, who has the full list.
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man ....which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. - G Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. - Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. - Ronald Reagan (1986)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! - P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire (1764)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. - Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it. - Unknown

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. - Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - Winston Churchill

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

Friday, April 24, 2009

Trader Joe's Savory Thin Mini Crackers Review

I first tried a Trader Joe's Savory Thin Mini Cracker during a church communion service. The cracker was so savory and delicious that I was thrilled to find out they were available at Trader Joe's. Major ingredients in the crackers are rice and sesame flour, sesame seeds, soy sauce, and garlic powder. The crackers are very savory from the soy sauce powder, and the sesame flavor is also prominent. Trader Joe's tends to keep the crackers in frozen section above the frozen food. These thin, crispy, round crackers are absolutely delicious, and are great just by themselves. It's almost impossible to eat just one and not gobble a bunch up, except when you're compelled to do so such as during the Lord's Supper.

Rating: ****

Here's a closeup of the crackers

Thursday, April 23, 2009

10 Reasons Why I Am a Calvinist

Here's another humorous, tongue in cheek e-mail I dug up. It's also posted all over the web, but I thought I'd post it here for posterity.

1. Calvinists tend to wear wool and cotton. Dispensationalists tend to wear lime-green polyester leisure suits.

2. John Calvin was French...being French is very chic.

3. Calvin sounds like Calvin Klein...and his clothes are very chic.

4. Calvinists can drink.

5. Calvinists can smoke.

6. Dispensationalists are into prophecy conferences where they talk about Star-Trek eschatology and the mark of the Beast. Calvinists have conferences on "life and culture", art, social justice, and other high- brow things like that. Afterwards, we go to the local pub and talk about philosophy over a pint of Bass ale.

7. Calvinists have close ties with Scotland and Scotland is very cool: you know --Sean Connery, the movie Highlander, Bagpipes, the Loch Ness Monster, Glenlivet 18 year old Scotch, the movie Train Spotting, Brave Heart, etc.

8. Calvinists think we are smarter than anybody else.

9. It is more socially acceptable to say, "I go to Grace Presbyterian Church" than to say, "I go to Washed In The Blood Worship Center", "I go to Sonlife Charismatic Believers Assembly", or to say "I go to Boston Berean Bible Believing Baptist Bethel", or to say "I go to the Latter-Day- Rain Deliverance Tabernacle Prophecy Center, Inc.", or to say "I go to the Philadelphia Church of the Majority Text", or to say "I go to the Lithuanian Apostolic Orthodox Autocephalic Church of the Baltic union of 1838".

10. Ultimately, I am a Calvinist because I had no choice in the matter.

I Know How Reformed I Am, But How Reformed Are YOU?

Here's a facetious e-mail posted to a reformed mailing list many moons ago. Unfortunately I don't have the original e-mail so I can't credit the author. For a variation on this theme, check out You Might Be a Presbyterian If . . .
You might be a TR (Truly Reformed) if...

1. You first quote the Westminster Confession and then say, "Oh yeah, the Bible says this somewhere, too."
2. You refuse to vote for Jesus as Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" because you don't want an image of Christ on the front cover.
3. You secretly believe that you have to believe in election to be saved.
4. You think Puritans are really, really, really, REALLY cool.
5. While not being a theonomist, you completely understand them.
6. While officially affirming the "priesthood of all believers," the only people you really trust to interpret Scripture are Calvin and yourself, and you only trust yourself on Thursdays before noon.
7. For you, a Baptist and stupid are the same word.
8. A "Reformed Baptist" and a "square circle" are equally as difficult for you to imagine.
9. You wonder what the Holy Spirit was up to between the times of Paul and Calvin.
10. You think women belong in the home and not in any pulpit, much less a staff position in large churches.
11. At some point in your life, you honestly believed that the only people who are saved are you and your buddy who thinks just like you, and then you kind of have to wonder about him because he DOES think just like you.
12. You think any church that has more than 200 people is probably apostate.
13. You are personally repulsed by Campus Crusade for Christ.
14. It is harder for you to keep the Sabbath than it is to fill out your taxes.
15. You keep telling yourself that Willow Creek has to be a really bad dream.
16. You've considered stoning someone.
17. You've seriously thought about lighting up a cigarette in church.
18. You think "that Pope as the Antichrist thing" should never have been taken out of the Confession.
19. Saying a blessing before the first round of drinks doesn't seem strange to you at all.
20. Your favorite Bible is your "Authorized Bahnsen Version."
21. You're convinced that everyone in your Presbytery is secretly a 33rd degree Mason.
22. You know that the Apocrypha doesn't belong in the canon, but you wonder sometimes whether we should add Van Til's, "The Defense of the Faith."
23. You pray daily for God to release His judgement on para-church ministries.
24. You think no true evangelism has been done without at least 3 lengthy quotes from the Confession.
25. You can't figure out why God didn't take Van Til like He did Enoch.
26. For you, tobacco is its own major food group.
27. You like Sproul Jr. a whole lot better than his father.
28. You think John Gerstner was an Arminian who knows better now.
29. You think the "Concerned Presbyterians" are way too moderate.
30. The only reason you haven't condemned Covenant Seminary is because you went there and you don't want to invalidate your entire theological training.
31. You have no idea what personality type you are, which explains why you are a TR.

You might be a BR (Barely Reformed) if...

1. You changed the name of your church from "Knox Reformed Presbyterian" to "Grace Community Fellowship."
2. You've ever seriously considered going to Pensacola or Toronto to bring back the fire.
3. You think what the church needs is another revival, not another reformation.
4. You've ever done an "infant dedication" service.
5. You own more than one book by C. Peter Wagner, David Wilkerson, James Dobson, or Gary Smalley
6. You don't own anything by Charles Hodge, Archibald Alexander, or B.B. Warfield.
7. You think it's a good thing that many of your members don't know the church is Presbyterian.
8. The words "relevant, contemporary, and cutting edge" cause you to salivate excessively.
9. You don't trust anyone who doesn't have exceptions to the Confession.
10. You consider it to be in bad taste to ask theological questions of a candidate on the floor of Presbytery.
11. You've ever cut a service short because of "Super Bowl Sunday."
12. You constantly use the word "just" while praying (i.e. We "just" really want to thank you).
13. You switched to using overheads so people would have their hands free to "just really worship God."
14. You believe the greatest work on Apologetics ever written was "More than a Carpenter."
15. You wish there was some way of incorporating an altar call into your service.
16. You have a "worship team."
17. You believe that Republican and Christian are synonyms.
18. The most common logo on your casual clothing is "PK."
19. You nod your head when someone says, "Doctrine divides."
20. You could sell your copy of the Confession in "like new" condition.
21. You think that the PCUSA went Liberal because people just really stopped loving Jesus.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Perfect Tax Funded Diet

New conscripts do sit-ups at a Nonsan recruitment center on Monday. They are members of so-called "health platoon" consisting of volunteers trying to slim down. Previous members of the platoon on average lost over 7.5 kg on duty./Yonhap

This South Korean training platoon is just what I need... except for the beatings, bad food, and the threat of nuclear annihilation. What this platoon needs is R. Lee Ermey!